The First Three Feet

1. Why is your fight already decided in its first three minutes?
2. In John Gottman's lab, a harsh start, criticism or contempt in the opening line, predicted how the talk ended.
3. Ninety-six percent of the time. Not the argument. The first three feet of the roll.
4. So soften the start: say what you feel and what you need, not what they are.
5. How did your last fight start?

A retro bowling alley at night. A couple at the foul line. He starts harsh: a hard, sideways throw with a red trail and a speech card, "You NEVER listen", and the ball is in the gutter within three feet. The scoreboard says so. Then the lane's first three feet light up: the roll is decided there. She starts soft: a straight, gentle release, a green trail, "I'm tired, could you take the dishes tonight?", and a strike.